So I think I have my brain around one of the things that I have been thinking about. ?It is my own opinion, and it is possible that my thoughts on some of this could be swayed, but these are a few things that have been nagging me in the back of my head.
Let?s talk about a few things adoption related.
It is a hard decision to decide to adopt, however you have come to the decision. ?Whether you came to the decision to adopt due to infertility, fear of childbirth, or whatever other reason that could have swayed you to decide to adopt, it is not an easy decision, and I should hope is not a light decision made by anyone.
There are a few things that I think most people know. ?Adoption is typically not an inexpensive option to grow your family. ?I think most people at least have a clue that domestic or international adoption is a really expensive way to grow your family. ?I get it. ?I do. ?I just really hate when people talk about it. ?It is expensive. ?We all get it. ?You are most likely paying an agency to represent you and an attorney and sometimes a separate agency to do your home study, and you have most likely researched them to death before signing with them. ?I just don?t think it?s right to talk about the cost. ?I don?t think it?s right to ask for money to fund your adoption. ?Again, this is my opinion.
I would hate to have my child know that I had to have a benefit, or a paypal link or any other way of asking for money to fund their adoption. ?Now, I know many people could say, ?you adopted through foster care, you have no room to discuss this.? ?Money had no part in our decision to adopt through foster care. ?We had originally decided to adopt an older child, this ultimately isn?t what happened for us, as you know, but this is what had brought us to the decision to adopt from foster care.
Due to foster care typically being a better option for children in need of a family, there are few, if any, actual orphanages in the US. ?Our foster care system ?has some issues, but I do tend to believe that it is a better option than a typical orphanage type situation.
We personally felt that if there were older children here in the US that needed a permanent family, this was what we wanted to do. ?We could have adopted an older child from another country. ?In fact, we even seriously looked into it. ?My Aunt was very involved with an orphanage in the Ukraine. ?She was and still is, even after her death, a large benefactor to this particular orphanage. ?She visited, worked with the children and the directors, to the point that when she died the director of the orphanage actually flew to Illinois to attend her funeral.
I think part of my thought on this,is that I wouldn?t want my child, or any child for that matter to think that they had to be ?bought.? ?They are children. ?Granted the cost of the adoption is not actually ?buying? the child, it is the actual process for the adoption that costs money, but imagine, if you were the child and found out later that there were silent auctions, or an event held to ?pay? for you, or paypal button?s set up for your ?cost.? ?A child wouldn?t necessarily ?get? that they weren?t paid for. ?Now, other people may feel differently, again, this is just my thought on this process. ?I would be open to your thoughts.
The other thing that has been bothering me is I have seen several hopeful adoptive parents going on rants about how their agency isn?t ?showing their profile enough? or they ?hate their fucking agency.? ?I just can?t see how publicly announcing your disdain for your agency is going to help get your profile shown. ?This is like stating that you hate your work, or your boss, and then wondering why you aren?t advancing in your company. ?I think it is a really bad idea. ?You have entered into a professional relationship with your agency, and acting like a spoiled teenager, is not going to help you. ?It can take a long time to be referred to a potential placement. ?It can take a long time from your home study, to approval, to actual placement of a child in your home. ?This is true for all kinds of adoptions. ?If you went into this thinking that you were going to get a child within four or five months of getting your approval, I think you are delusional.
Some families get placements sooner than others. ?Some families get them later than other?s. ?From our actual licensing to our call for Mea it was almost two and a half years. ?If we would have given up, we wouldn?t have our daughter. ?I would kindly remind placement workers every so often that our goal was to adopt, and I think that kept us in mind at the very least.
If you are a blogger, or have a Facebook page, or you Tweet, keep in mind that you have a public online profile, that most people with a computer can find. ?If you are bashing your agency on FB, or tweeting about it, or writing on your blog about it, people can see that. ?Your agency, your workers, everyone. ?Including the parents that are considering adoption as a choice for their unborn child. ?Would you choose someone who had made statements like this? I have a potty mouth and I can be a bit of a hot head, and I know it, but I know where and when to keep my mouth shut.
?It is a wise thing to be polite; consequently, it is a stupid thing to be rude. To make enemies by unnecessary and willful incivility, is just as insane a proceeding as to set your house on fire. For politeness is like a counter?an avowedly false coin, with which it is foolish to be stingy.?
??Arthur Schopenhauer
Again, these are just my thoughts, on a couple of adoption related subjects. ?They potentially could be swayed, but I also think it is something to give some thought too. ?If the shoe was on the other foot, and you were the mother considering adoption as a choice for your unborn child, would you want to hear some of these things? ?If you are hoping for an open adoption for your child, how would you see this potential family for your child?
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