Anthropologist Elinor Ochs and her colleagues at the University of California, Los Angeles have studied family life as far away as Samoa and the Peruvian Amazon region, but for the last decade they have focused on a society closer to home: the American middle class. Why do American children depend on their parents to do things for them that they are capable of doing for themselves? How do U.S. working parents? views of ?family time? affect their stress levels? These are just two of the questions that researchers at UCLA?s Center on Everyday Lives of Families, or CELF, are trying to answer in their work.
By studying families at home?or, as the scientists say, ?in vivo??rather than in a lab, they hope to better grasp how families with two working parents balance child care, household duties and career, and how this balance affects their health and well-being.
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The center, which also includes sociologists, psychologists and archeologists, wants to understand ?what the middle class thought, felt and what they did,? says Dr. Ochs. The researchers plan to publish two books this year on their work, and say they hope the findings may help families become closer and healthier.
Ten years ago, the UCLA team recorded video for a week of nearly every moment at home in the lives of 32 Southern California families. They have been picking apart the footage ever since, scrutinizing behavior, comments and even their refrigerators?s contents for clues.
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The families, recruited primarily through ads, owned their own homes and had two or three children, at least one of whom was between 7 and 12 years old. About a third of the families had at least one nonwhite member, and two were headed by same-sex couples. Each family was filmed by two cameras and watched all day by at least three observers.
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Among the findings: The families had very a child-centered focus, which may help explain the ?dependency dilemma? seen among American middle-class families, says Dr. Ochs. Parents intend to develop their children?s independence, yet raise them to be relatively dependent, even when the kids have the skills to act on their own, she says.
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In addition, these parents tended to have a very specific, idealized way of thinking about family time, says Tami Kremer-Sadlik, a former CELF research director who is now the director of programs for the division of social sciences at UCLA. These ideals appeared to generate guilt when work intruded on family life, and left parents feeling pressured to create perfect time together. The researchers noted that the presence of the observers may have altered some of the families? behavior.
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How kids develop moral responsibility is an area of focus for the researchers. Dr. Ochs, who began her career in far-off regions of the world studying the concept of ?baby talk,? noticed that American children seemed relatively helpless compared with those in other cultures she and colleagues had observed.
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In those cultures, young children were expected to contribute substantially to the community, says Dr. Ochs. Children in Samoa serve food to their elders, waiting patiently in front of them before they eat, as shown in one video snippet. Another video clip shows a girl around 5 years of age in Peru?s Amazon region climbing a tall tree to harvest papaya, and helping haul logs thicker than her leg to stoke a fire.
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By contrast, the U.S. videos showed Los Angeles parents focusing more on the children, using simplified talk with them, doing most of the housework and intervening quickly when the kids had trouble completing a task.
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In 22 of 30 families, children frequently ignored or resisted appeals to help, according to a study published in the journal Ethos in 2009. In the remaining eight families, the children weren?t asked to do much. In some cases, the children routinely asked the parents to do tasks, like getting them silverware. ?How am I supposed to cut my food?? Dr. Ochs recalls one girl asking her parents.
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Asking children to do a task led to much negotiation, and when parents asked, it sounded often like they were asking a favor, not making a demand, researchers said. Parents interviewed about their behavior said it was often too much trouble to ask.
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For instance, one exchange caught on video shows an 8-year-old named Ben sprawled out on a couch near the front door, lifting his white, high-top sneaker to his father, the shoe laced. ?Dad, untie my shoe,? he pleads. His father says Ben needs to say ?please.?
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?Please untie my shoe,? says the child in an identical tone as before. After his father hands the shoe back to him, Ben says, ?Please put my shoe on and tie it,? and his father obliges.
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Ben?s next words: ?Please get my coat from the closet.? Then his father says that Ben should get it himself.
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?Isn?t that amazing?? says Dr. Ochs. ?It?s only after he escalates that the dad asks him to do something for himself.?
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It isn?t that the kids were unable to do the tasks or that their parents didn?t express a need for help, say the researchers. Rather, the studied children didn?t seem to view it as their routine responsibility to contribute, the researchers say.
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In about 75% of the families, the mothers came home first and began to ?gyrate? through the house, bouncing between the kids and their homework, groceries, dinner and laundry, according to the group?s analysis published in the Journal of Family Psychology in 2009. When the fathers came home, 86% of the time at least one child didn?t pay attention to him.
FOLLOW UP?.
Rarely has?a Blog received as delightful a batch of letters as those sent recently by Brittany Stanzel, a fourth-grade teacher at McSwain Elementary School, in Staunton, Virginia, on behalf of her students.
The 9- and 10-year-olds weighed in on whether they feel that American kids are overly dependent on their parents to do things that they are able to do for themselves. That theme?that has been observed by researchers from UCLA?s Center on Everyday Lives of Families, as reported above.
Stanzel has given permission to quote from the letters. Here are some snippets from the pens, er, computers, of the students themselves. (They have only been edited for space.)
Some say that indeed American kids are too dependent on their parents:
Cord: ?Kids are unnecessarily dependant on their parents, because kids learn not to do anything.? Some kids even bully their parents, once I actually told my parents to clean up my drink.? I feel very guilty, what I?m trying to say is kid?s need to be responsible for themselves.?
Alice: ?I always ask my dad to get me a snack when I am perfectly capable of getting my own bag of chips and a Gatorade.? Sometimes, I don?t make my bed and my mom will do it for me.? The article really made me think of the way I behave.?
Taeshon: ?My life is kind of like that.? When I can make my own peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I sometimes make my mom do it.? I think kids need to be problem solvers.?
Sarah: ?Yes, I think that American children are unnecessarily dependent. Why you may ask? Because they are lazy bums to their parents, I can be too. Our parents work, and work. I will do stuff my mom or dad ask me. But I will ask them stuff that I could have done easily. I think some American children are lazy, and can?t do anything.?
On the flip side, several of the kids disagreed and also pointed out that the results from one sample of kids shouldn?t be generalized to all children.
Sydney: ?I think that maybe it was just the people you interviewed that depended on their parents too much.? Maybe if you interviewed some other people you would come to a different conclusion.? Maybe the kid?s parents let them act like that.?
Anna Maria: ?You did find kids who did not behave; but those kids might be spoiled, or they might not have been raised the right way. If you and the anthropologists want to see good kids with good behavior, then you should observe me and my friends.?
Carter: ?Some American kids actually do what they want and they do it themselves.?? Like me, I wake up at 7:30 and I fix my lunch and breakfast.? I even walk to school. I don?t sit back and relax.? I don?t make my mom do my work.? I think kids that are independent on their own are smart.?
Stanzel writes that ?many of the students have discussed the article/issue with their parents.? Some parents believe their children are independent already.? Others have seen an improvement since we have written to you. Carter has been making his own breakfast more often and Taeshon?s parents have said that he is helping out with household tasks more than before.?
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?The kids are oblivious to their parents? perspectives,? says Dr. Ochs.
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The researchers theorize that stems from a tendency in U.S. society to adapt to and focus on the children, rather than teaching children to focus on others. And, Americans tend to encourage children to pay attention to objects more than faces, emphasizing colors and shapes, for instance, over people, says Dr. Ochs. In Samoa, children are expected to be attentive to others from a very young age, and parents stress focusing on facial expressions, says Dr. Ochs.
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Researchers are also examining how U.S. parents view family life and work. Parents tended to describe a ?very prescribed way of being together,? says Dr. Kremer-Sadlik.
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They commonly used terms like ?family night,? ?family movie,? or ?family breakfast,? and it was understood that the activity was meant to be child-focused time and not include others outside the family. This same vision of ?family time? wasn?t seen in Italian families, for instance, the researchers found in work published in the journal Time and Society in 2007.
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This structured and idealized way of being together appears to pressure parents to achieve these moments and also avoid another instances that might ruin it, like a child?s temper tantrum.
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?We wanted to highlight to parents that they have a lot of other opportunities for this family time,? when they can feel united, supported and connected, says Dr. Kremer-Sadlik.
?http://www.celf.ucla.edu/
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702304450004577277482565674646.html?KEYWORDS=elinor+ochs
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